My Summer Vacation (In Music)

Posted: August 23, 2011 in Deep Thoughts
Tags: , , , , ,

So, summer is slowly drawing to a close. As I did last year, I like to write about what has happened to me personally during this summer. I was struck with the idea that there are certain songs that I listen to that were describing me and my attitude towards everything during certain highlights (and lowlights) of the summer. So enjoy listening to this interactive and retrospective 3 month journey. All lyrics are provided. And it will be quite obvious to you by the end, what musician I really like.

It begins at the very end of the school year, when I received some absolutely crushing news.

I can still see the light/at the end of the tunnel shine/through the dark times/even when I lose my mind

But it feels like no one/in the world is listening/and I can’t ever seem/to make the right decisions

I walk around in the same haze/I’m still caught in my same ways/I’m losing time in these strange days/but somehow I always know/the right things to say

I don’t know what time it is/or who’s the one to blame for this/Do I believe what I can’t see/And how do you know/which way the wind blows

Cause I can feel it all around/I’m lost between the sound/And just when I think/I know, there she goes

[Chorus]
Goodbye for now/Goodbye for now/So long

Goodbye for now (I’m not the type to say I told you so)/Goodbye for now/So long (I think the hardest part of holding on is letting it go)

When will we sing/A new song/A new song

We’re still smilin’ as the day goes by/and how come nobody/ever knows the reasons why/Bury you deep so far/you can’t see

If you’re like me/who wears a broken/heart on your sleeve

Pains and struggles that/you know so well/Either time don’t/It can’t or it just won’t tell

I’m not the type to say/I told you so/I think the hardest part/of holding on is letting it go

I don’t know what time it is/or who’s the one to blame for this/Do I believe what I can’t see/And how do you know/which way the wind blows

Cause I can feel it all around/I’m lost between the sound/And just when I think I know/there she goes

Goodbye for now/Goodbye for now/So long

Goodbye for now (I’m not the type to say I told you so)/Goodbye for now/So long (I think the hardest part of holding on is letting it go)

[Repeat]
When will we sing/A new song/A new song

And you can sing until/there’s no song left (song left)/And I can scream until/the world goes deaf (goes deaf)

For every other word/left unsaid you should/have took the time to/read the sign and/see what it meant

In some ways everybody/feels alone so if the/burden is mine then/I can carry my own

If joy really comes/in the morning time/then I’m gonna sit back/and wait until the/next sunrise…(fade)

Goodbye for now/Goodbye for now/So long

Goodbye for now (I’m no the type to say I told you so)/Goodbye for now/So long (I think the hardest part of holding on is letting it go)

[Repeat 3x]
When will we sing/A new song/A new song

When will we sing (When will we sing)/A new song/A new song

(Away)
[Repeat 3x]
(I runaway)

For a few days, this news saw me shaken and unsure of what to do. Literally, I was walking dead. Shocked and broken, I could barely exist. I looked forward to night, as sleep would bring me a comforting 8-10 hours of refuge from my pain.

This is a live version of “The Way Home”, a song by Neal Morse.

Running from a destiny I wasn’t sure was mine/I chose a life of obscurity and I left my dreams behind/I traded my ambitions for the safe and simple life/But lately I feel far away and inside I feel like

I Can’t find my way home/Can’t find my way home/And if I stay here too long now/I may never find that place where I feel like I belong/Can’t find my way home

Seeking out fulfillment in a tiny plastic jar/There isn’t much to go around when you don’t know who you are/And I know that I’m a child of God but He seems so far away/And it doesn’t seem to help me much when I kneel down to pray

Can’t find my way home/Can’t find my way home/And if I stay here too long now/I may never find that place where I feel like I belong/I know that when I find it I’ll have known it all along/I feel like a dark cold night that’s reaching for the dawn

Can’t find my way home/Show me the way home/Cause if I stay here too long now/I may never find that place where I feel like I belong/Show me the way home/Show me the way home/Lord show me the way home/I know somehow I’ll find that place where I feel like I belong/Show me the way home

My outlook lifted a bit, although I was still quite disturbed and quite afraid of the future.

It’s hard to have strength when there’s nothing to eat/And it’s hard to eat when you don’t have the teeth/And how, when you lose the one thing you love/There’s nothing below and there’s nothing above.

Well I’ve been going through changes/I’ve been going through changes/I’ve been going through changes/With nothing at all.

It’s hard to accept what you don’t understand/And it’s hard to launch without knowing how to land/And how, when it burns, you can’t change a thing/You can soften the blow, but you can’t stop the sting

And I’ve been going through changes/I’ve been going through changes/I’ve been going through changes/With nothing at all/With nothing at all/With nothing at all

Well I am still yours even if you’re not mine/I stare at the floor and I study the lines/I took my place in the back of the crowd/Baby I couldn’t see, but at least it was loud./At least it was loud.

And I’ve been going through changes/I’ve been going through changes/I’ve been going through changes/And I know that I needed changes/But not this, cause this is not painless/No, this is not painless

With nothing at all

I was still very much hanging in the balance. It was like walking a tightrope, easily slipping into despair at times, but putting on a brave face and “Chin up, chest out!” This song really describes that period and the final realization of my double face.

I’ve got to climb to the top/Never stop til I reach it/Til I feel that I’m good and that I’m in control/Of life and my thought/When I’m not I still preach it/Cause they’re all gonna see if I start to fall or lose control/I’m losing control of this

I’ve been balancing on suspended pianos/And trying to appear composed/It makes the loudest noise when they begin to crash/With eyes on me I force a laugh/You come to me and set me free

Cross my arms across my chest/This is not a gift I can accept/But I appreciate the sentiment/I worked too hard for righteousness/To just lay down while You hand me this/And put my faith in something You call grace/From You

I’ve been lost inside a cave without a lantern/At every sound I start to run/Feel my way around the dark without a pattern/If I would wait You’d come/To rescue me and show the way

Cross my arms across my chest/This is not a gift I can accept/But I appreciate the sentiment/I worked too hard for righteousness/To just lay down while You hand me this/And put my faith in something You call grace/From You

Son, you’re trying to earn/What is far beyond you/Son, you’re trying to earn/What is freely given Every time that you try to just reduce/This to a give and take/You spit in my face/And tell Me that this blood was shed in vain

After that, my outlook lifted. I took a hard look at how I was going through the motions of the day and life and decided to dismantle and repair, as this song goes. (Lyrics in the video)

I really recognized how God is my strength, my sword, and my shield. How life can change in the blink of an eye, or with a few words your world can be turned upside down.

Life like a razor can shave you clean/Or it cuts in a moment and leaves you to bleed/And in fear you have settled for what you have found/You’re safe, you’re comfortable, but you’re stuck on the ground

Fly high, fly straight through the open sky/Give up everything you have for what you could never buy/It’s time, if you seek you can’t help but find/What you give up you’ll gain, you will be lifted high

What is holding you, is holding you down/You might have to take off that rock-and-roll crown/But what you think is your identity is not really you/Let it go keep breaking till we break on through

And fly high, fly straight through the open sky/Give up everything you have for what you could never buy/It’s time, if you seek you can’t help but find/What you give up you’ll gain, Jesus will lift you high/Fly high

Fly high, fly straight through the open sky/Give up everything you know for what you could never buy/It’s time, if you seek you can’t help but find/And what you give up you’ll gain, Jesus will lift you high

Fly high, fly straight through the open sky/Give up everything that you have for what you could never buy/It’s time, if you seek you can’t help but find/Just give it all up and you’ll gain, Jesus will lift you high/Fly high/Fly high

MADE ALIVE AGAIN:

From a world that’s never ending/From a sky beyond the skies/A child is born/And love is made alive

Like a flaw that seeks perfection/With a will that will survive/A child is born/And love is made alive

WIND AT MY BACK

And you are the wind at my back/You give what I lack/You’re the jewel in my hand/You’re like rain, you’re like rain/You’re like rain now

And my soul has been kissed/Just because you exist/You’re the gold that is free/You’re the groom on one knee

You’re the wind at my back/You give what I lack/You’re the jewel in my hand/You’re like rain on dry land

You’re the focus the beam/You’re realities dream/You’re the blue in my black/You’re the wind at my back

You are the wind at my back/You give what I lack/You’re the jewel in my hand/You’re like rain on dry land

You’re the flow that I feel/The illusion so real/You’re the ocean the tide/You’re the door open wide

And my soul has been kissed/Just because you exist/You’re the gold that is free/You’re the groom on one knee

You’re the focus the beam/You’re realities dream/You’re the blue in my black/You’re the wind at my back

You’re the wish that I make/You’re the prize I might take/You’re the dream that’s a fact/You’re the wind at my back

You’re the flow that I feel/The illusion so real/You’re the ocean the tide/You’re the door open wide And my soul has been kissed/Just because you exist/You’re the blue in my black/You’re the wind at my back

As a 16 year old boy who is in the process of becoming a man, I believe that these previous 3 months  were a real trial sent by God. Through it, I believe I have become more focused on Him. I have realized that while certain things in this world are nice, they will never compare in equal amounts to the Almighty God in heaven. What I do, and I call all young men and women to do as well, is place my full trust in God alone, that He will shepherd me, as He has, and to focus on Him as the true source of light in the darkness that we face. Thank you for journeying with me. Thanks to the person who asked the question of “so, how’s ur summer been?” that got me started on this. Thanks to Mom and Dad; Mom especially helped me through those first troubled days. Dad for our “interesting” talk while standing a quarter mile out in the ocean.

Parer par haar Buir.

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